Monday, February 6, 2012

Why I'm Not Scared of 47...

**Gentlemen, you may want to skip this one. I'm going to mention feminine plumbing products. Consider yourself forewarned.**

I know I ought to be scared of getting older. All those commercials for liposuction, spider vein removal, and botox tell me so. Still, I can't help but think that 47 might actually be fun. As I jogged to the bus stop with one arm under my boobs because I wasn't wearing a bra, I had to muse, "You've coma a long way, baby."

17-year-old Sally: Ew, gross. I can't go anywhere without a bra. What if someone saw my *whispers* nipples?
27-year-old Sally: You've got to be kidding me?! Where were all these push-up, cleavage enhancing bras when I was in college?
37-year-old Sally: If I leave the sweatshirt on and don't get out of the car at car pool, no one has to know I'm not wearing a bra.

Toilet Paper
17-year-old Sally: Mom! You can't be serious! No way can we buy the family-size toilet paper then go through the check-out line where the cute sack boy works!!
27-year-old Sally: Ooh, if I get the mega pack of toilet paper at Sam's, I can save a ton of money!
37-year-old Sally: Are we out of toilet paper again? I'm going to buy two of the mega packs next time.

17-year-old Sally: You want me to put what where?
27-year-old Sally: How did I live without these things?
37-year-old Sally: Wait a minute. I can't remember if I put in a new tampon or not...

17-year-old Sally: I must do all of it and do it absolutely correctly--even the extra credit.
27-year-old Sally: I think I'd kinda like to go back to school.
37-year-old Sally: Why can't I do 4th grade math? Aw, screw it. A for effort.

17-year-old Sally: Why do people have those things again?
27-year-old Sally: I love this baby boy, and he is perfect.
37-year-old Sally: Can I hold your baby? [Because I'm too declaring Mertau Law on having any more of my own but I love to help other mothers and coo at their babies]

17-year-old Sally: I can't dance! What if someone sees me?!
27-year-old Sally: You know, the consumption of alcohol makes this dancing thing fun.
37-year-old Sally: I'll dance whenever I want to, however I want to. I'll dance around a damn pole if I want to.

So, yes, 37-year-old Sally has, for the most part, given up on cosmetics, fixing her hair, or even wearing a bra, but she's a lot more fun than 17-year-old Sally and she's savvier than 27-year-old Sally. It can only get better, right? Right?


  1. I wouldn't go back to 17 if you paid me, but I might be willing to stay 37 forever! Thanks, Sally.

  2. 37 forever it is--though I was kinda partial to 27. I'd take that body with this mind--how about that?

  3. Oh man! I would love that 27 year old body, too. Like Nicki, I'm all over that 37, but I've got myself psyched and ready for the 40's, I want to be one of those women who are confident in who they are for what they are at that moment. I am definitely striving for that. :)

    Thanks for sharing your Sally list. Love it!