This all started with the song Lorelai was singing on the way home from preschool, a song in a Native American tongue that I have yet to identify. I swear I have to start tape recording these car conversations:
Lorelai sings her song
Lorelai: I’m so hungry I could eat a bear.
Mom: You need to be careful because the bear might eat you.
Lorelai: Do you want to eat a bear?
Mom: No, they’re probably tough and all gristle.
Lorelai: Indians ate the whole bear and the gristly skin.
Mom: Yes, Indians believed in using every part of any animal that they caught.
Lorelai: But you can’t eat bears.
Mom: That’s right
Lorelai: Because they will eat you.
Mom: They might. It’d be a good idea to stay out of any bear’s way.
Lorelai: And bears will scratch you with their sharp fingernails.
Lorelai: Yes, bears have sharp claws, and they will scratch you. Or eat you. Or maybe scratch you.
Lorelai: Some bears are mean.
Mom: Just some bears?
Lorelai: [deliberates] No, all bears are mean.
Mom: Okay, all bears are mean.
Lorelai: Except gummy bears. Gummy bears are nice.
Mom: Okay, all bears are mean except Gummy bears.
Lorelai: Some bears live in the jungle.
Mom: Do all bears live in the jungle?
Lorelai: Noooooo! Yes, all bears live in the jungle.
Mom: What about polar bears?
Lorelai: [decides to ignore that exception to her blanket proclamation] But bears will eat you if you try to eat them first!
Mom: [Noncommittal agreement noise]
Lorelai: Can we go to Chick-fil-a?