Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Her Majesty's Treatise on Bears

This all started with the song Lorelai was singing on the way home from preschool, a song in a Native American tongue that I have yet to identify.  I swear I have to start tape recording these car conversations:

Lorelai sings her song
Lorelai:  I’m so hungry I could eat a bear.
Mom: You need to be careful because the bear might eat you.
Lorelai:  Do you want to eat a bear?
Mom:  No, they’re probably tough and all gristle.
Lorelai:  Indians ate the whole bear and the gristly skin.
Mom:  Yes, Indians believed in using every part of any animal that they caught.
Lorelai:  But you can’t eat bears.
Mom:  That’s right
Lorelai:  Because they will eat you.
Mom:  They might.  It’d be a good idea to stay out of any bear’s way.
Lorelai:  And bears will scratch you with their sharp fingernails.
Mom: Claws?
Lorelai:  Yes, bears have sharp claws, and they will scratch you.  Or eat you.  Or maybe scratch you.
Lorelai:  Some bears are mean.
Mom:  Just some bears?
Lorelai: [deliberates] No, all bears are mean.
Mom:  Okay, all bears are mean.
Lorelai:  Except gummy bears.  Gummy bears are nice.
Mom:  Okay, all bears are mean except Gummy bears.
Lorelai:  Some bears live in the jungle.
Mom:  Do all bears live in the jungle?
Lorelai:  Noooooo!  Yes, all bears live in the jungle.
Mom:  What about polar bears?
Lorelai:  [decides to ignore that exception to her blanket proclamation] But bears will eat you if you try to eat them first!
Mom:  [Noncommittal agreement noise]
Lorelai:  Can we go to Chick-fil-a?

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