Monday, June 14, 2010

Not a Mad Housewife, Just Not a Good One...

Here are the top ten ways you know you're not a good housewife:

10. You children get excited when you fire up the vacuum because they don't see it that often.
9. Your family considers the pile of laundry on the couch as part of the overall decorating scheme.
8. There are stains on the carpet you can't explain and you can't remember how they got there. You just know they're not poop. You promise they are not poop.
7. Dust bunnies are congregating on the fringes of your hardwood floor. You think they are fomenting a rebellion.
6. It takes you a month to realize you've run out of Scrubbing Bubbles.
5. Your lovely aquarium hand soap bottles now feature fish in atomic sludge because you forgot and bought the orange hand soap instead of the clear hand soap.
4. The shower rod in your guest bathroom just fell for the third time because you are still using the "temporary" tension rod you bought at Big Lots ten years ago.
3. Your children have asked their grandparents to help them change out the burned out light bulbs in their bedroom light fixtures.
2. When you apologize to the bug guy for the state of your house, he says "Hey, I've seen worse" but he can't actually give you examples.
1. The more you clean up, the less you can find.

If you answered yes to more than four of these, I suggest we celebrate with a bottle of Mad Housewife and forget about being bad housewives. Salut!


  1. A couple of weeks ago I couldn't find my PTA bag. I'm the treasurer. I needed the bag. The checkbook was in it. I thought. Yes, it was. No, maybe in another purse? In my car? No, must find the bag.

    I searched the entire house six times. My son and husband helped.

    Finally, finally I looked in the laundry room again. The bag was hanging on handle of the vacuum machine. The housecleaner comes every two weeks. She was due the next day.

    It made me wonder if she put it on there on purpose to see if I'd call her when i couldn't find it!

    Oh yes, the checkbook was in there and I had one check left so I quickly ordered more on the 'net!

    Not only am I a bad housewife but I suck at being on the PTA board too and now I'm president for next year ...

  2. You just made me feel a whole lot better about my lack of housekeeping skills...and you also made me laugh - sometimes in recognition, sometimes in surprise! Thank you!

  3. Love it! Not that I can relate to any of those (well, maybe the first ten, but no more).
    Jane Rowlett

  4. Thanks, ya'll. I'm sure, with time, I'll come up with another 10. I'm thinking about adding, when things crunch as you walk across your kitchen floor. To make matters worse, I just swept day before yesterday--you know, the thorough sweep.

  5. There is no shame in a tension rod purchased at Big Lots. Ours is holding up a second row of girl monster clothes.